Hello all you guys, gals, and Masquers pals, and welcome to Seen by Helene. Your darling little playhouse hired me, Helene Herrick, to find out exactly what kind of actresses they’ve let onto their stage for the upcoming production of “The Women.” Lamb chops, it didn’t take much digging to find the dish on this naughty bunch of ingenues. To wit:
- The stockboys at the A&P asked for overtime when the news broke that a certain someone shops for Triscuits wearing just her trench coat. She may act a peach at rehearsals, but we’ve got her pegged.
- Don’t hand this lady a drink and expect her nurse it. Our spies in Sonoma revealed this actress was not only up to her neck in a wine vat, she wouldn’t come out for lack of a proper suit—or any suit, for that matter. Can anybody teach her a lesson in restraint?
- Which actress was seen cooling her Louboutined heels in a Nevada hoosegow? She says it’s not what you think, but file this information under “someone’s act could use a little more polish.”
The identities will be revealed later, but stay tuned for more scandalous shenanigans as Seen by Helene. Until then darlings, the next round’s on me.